Seventy One / Within Without

You're now stuck at a T-Junction. You have two choices. You ponder upon the situation. You don't know which way to go, which route to take, which corner to make. You began searching for signs around the area, hoping those signs will help you decide which is which. They say, if you are not confused, it means you are not paying any attention. Then again, that is what they say.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

You've said tons of things, bit by bit, little by little, and meant them inch by inch. People tell you that you get confused easily, but truth is, when you are confused, it shows how hard you are thinking. Thinking hard to make sure you make the right decision. But you know, there is no such thing as 'right' decision. It goes without saying. It is the risk that you have to take, regardless what you decide on, or which way you end up going. But no, everyone knows that you are obviously a very confused person who has no idea how others feel about things. Hence why you are stuck at the T-Junction, looking for signs. Then again, that is what they say.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

And then you finally see it. You see it right there. A long windy road, filled with bumps. Only difference is that it has better surface than the other one. You know what it is. It is a beautiful disaster. You know it pretty well. You became attracted to it. Something that you have been waiting for so long. You know what your risks are. You know what will happen next. But you're afraid. However, being afraid doesn't stop you from moving forward. You move forward. One step.  Two steps. Five steps. Seven steps. And then you stopped. You looked behind.

You are now looking at the opposite direction.

All the what ifs appeared in your head. Could haves bombarded you. Why nots decided to take a ride on your mind. It's eating you up. You get seriously nervous. You're now shaking. You are scared. You don't want to put a lot of things into jeopardy. You have worked so hard and you have gone through so much. You know what you want. You are just scared. You know what you want. You are just weak. You know what you want. You know what you want. But you let others determine which way you should take. No. And then you snapped back to reality. You know you won't let that happen. You put your guards down. You are willing to take the risk. You think you know it's worth the fight. It will not be an easy fight but you will not fall. You pull your guards up, you started building your wall high enough. You started screaming.

Screaming for faith.

Screaming for life.

Screaming for love.

Screaming for trust.

Screaming for freedom.

Screaming for the right answer.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

Whichever turning you make, they share the same answer. Destination : unknown. Like you said, your destiny is a mystery. Within. Without. But you know what you want. As long as you know what you want, you will be alright. You will be okay. You will stand strong. You will survive this. And we all know that 'you' here is me. And this? Is the most boring piece I have ever written.