It is 7:18am, and I think I have to say this. I have the balls to do a lot of things, but my two nuts will go missing whenever I think of you.
You are supposed to be close to me. You are supposed to be my best friend. You are supposed to be that whole lot of 'supposed tos' to me, but I'm okay with the fact that you are not. Then again, how long more can my 'I'm okay' last? Having this kind of mind blowing questions in my head kills. It sends shiver down my spine.
Sometimes, whenever I wake up in the morning and thought of you, I'd snap myself back to reality and say you are not thinking of me too. And then I started teaching myself this ritual 'I can do this. I have lived with this for the rest of my life, I should be immune to it by now,' and I lived with it.
But how long more do I need to live with this. I am not getting any younger, and the same goes to you. Why can't we just leave the past and start anew? Why can't we just mend things and work on our future together? I know you're happy living the life you wanted, wherever you are, but I wonder, what about my happiness? Have you ever thought about it? I thought I am supposed to be part of your happiness?
My only wish in this world is to turn back time, and redeem what's mine. At least for a little while. Let me feel the love from you. The love that I need, the love that I long for, the love that should be my lifeline, because I believe I deserve more than this. You are supposed to be my greatest love of all. But I don't know. I don't know anymore.
Help me. Heal me. Save me. Seal me.
I wish I don't have to say this, ever, but for the love of God, tell me, what should I do to get that attention from you? I don't need much. I just need the love I think I deserve.
Don't you think I am worth more than this? Is it that easy to forget me? I don't want your money, or time, I just want you to hold my hand, touch my hair and say 'I'm proud of you, baby,'.
Am I even your baby?
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