I don't know why but I've been going through under a serious emotional breakdown. What have I turned myself into? An emotional monster? Sigh. Why do I always make myself so needy? I'm lack of friends ke? I see different people everyday, and I'm so confused with myself. Have I changed? Have I changed myself to someone that I don't know? Is this the new me that I'll have to deal with forever? What have gotten into? I jeopardize my friendship with the ones that I love, and now, I'm left with nothing. I thought things were cool, but now, it has worsen.
Its not about being all nice, but I don't know what kind of person I am now. Whether its me, or the other person. Oh well, that friend said that I'm something new that is not understandable and very complex. Argh, fuck it lah, I don't know what to say. I'm left with what's left in me. If no friends is what I'm destined to live with, then I guess I have to learn how to move on in life and not remember all the good times I had. I learnt that it's really hard to decide. Decision has NEVER been the right decision.
-How I wish I could delete all my good memories with my loved ones like how I deleted my corrupted files in my computer.
-How I wish I'm a lot easier to be understood.
-How I wish I don't have to rely on anyone and could stand up on my own two feet.
-How I wish I'm a better person than what I am now.
-How I wish Einstein would invent some pills that can change your attitude in a snap.
-How I wish things'll be like how they used to, so that I don't have to wish all of the above.
See how screwed up my life is? I'm lifeless.
ps; NEVER leave the ones you love for the ones you like, because the ones you like will leave you for the ones THEY love. Been there, done that.
-How I wish I could delete all my good memories with my loved ones like how I deleted my corrupted files in my computer.
ReplyDeletebabe, never wish for such a thing. good memories are good things. why would you want to throw it away. breaking down is easy. getting up is hard to do. i know. but you'll make. i know you will. ur thinking about it too much that it eats u alive without you even realizing it. if u just take the time to calm down a little you'll see the good side of life. ;) cheer up okay?
i guess there comes a time when you feel a little lost of yourself, like you're swaying off track and suddenly a little awkward from your comfortable zone. it's almost like having fun without understanding the full meaning of it. or always being surrounded by people, an yet still feel all alone...
ReplyDeletemoments like these happen, i guess. to remind you that life has its ups and downs? i dunno. but chin up hon, it'll pass. everything does.
besides, you still have all your good friends and people that care about you. life cannot be that bad. ;) xoxo. i miss you.