Today is the 18th of February, and it has been 98 days after the passing of my beloved grandfather, Haji Harun Husain.
98 days of overwhelming grief and sadness.
98 days of trying to understand what it's like to lose someone so close to you.
98 days of convincing ourselves that everything is A-Okay.
98 days of replaying the same scene over and over again.
98 days of trying to move forward and carry on with life.
98 days of adapting to this new routine of ours.
Alhamdulillah, moving on went well for me. Well.. Well enough. But that does not mean my late grandfather is not missed.. Forgotten. It means I have accepted his death. And I am happy with the fact that he is no longer suffering.
In my defense, there is no such thing as the 'right' way of grieving or responding to death. It varies and it is unique depending on the person who's responding to any said death.
But hey, grief is not just about death. It could be anything at all.
Like unrequited love. It does not matter who is loving or being loved, it will be a slow, miserable, heart throbbing pain for that one party. It is a bit too far fetched, perhaps. Was looking at something that is too far away from me. Chewing more than what I can swallow. So close yet so far.
What a fart.
“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”
― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment
“Love Jo all your days, if you choose, but don't let it spoil you, for it's wicked to throw away so many good gifts because you can't have the one you want.”
― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women
I hope this shall pass soon. I practice unconditional love. What a low blow. Ah, same shit different jamban.
I want to berak. Bye.
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